Some guys have got all the game in the world, or at least enough to get a girl to see them again. But then, when things are looking good, they get dumped or friend-zoned again and again. If you are one of these guys, then there’s almost certainly a behavior or more on this list that you’re doing wrong.
You need to cut that shit out.
Women are experts at looking for the red flags that stack up in the corner like a pile of smelly underwear. That’s why women run shit tests and why they’re constantly on the lookout for the kind of behavior that they just don’t want in a serious boyfriend.
So, while you’re thinking everything is awesome and you’re doing a stellar job, she’s counting the strikes against your name and thinking how to get the hell out of Dodge.
Here are 10 of the most serious offences, complete turnoffs that you really need to cut out and a lot of them come down to the same basic thing. It’s the first thing on the list.
Tortured souls, wracked with self-doubt and demons from their past, might look cool in the movies. In real life, it gets old really fast. Girls dig confidence and a guy that is comfortable in his own skin. If you’re not, you shouldn’t even be dating seriously right now. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.
If you’re not confident in yourself then you’ll approach every part of the relationship from a place of fear and potential loss. You might even put her on a pedestal and feel that she’s just too good for you. That might be cute to hear once, but really if you repeat it then she’ll start to believe you.
If you’re insecure about something you can change, then change it. If you’ve got some underlying issue then get some help and get it fixed. Otherwise you’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes again and again and your constant failure will reinforce the belief that you’re somehow unworthy of real love.
This is also why it can be good to date multiple women until the rest simply fall away and you’re left with a serious girlfriend. It means you come to the table with an abundance mindset, you don’t get oneitis and you never get too concerned about a moodswing or even losing her entirely. It’s a stronger negotiating position, in business terms.
This is another side of the insecurity coin. If your fist clenches every time another man talks to your girl or you’re trying to look at her phone every time she gets a message then you’re silently communicating your fear that she will choose another man. Eventually she will, this is about the least sexy thing you can do.
Recently I had a girl try and make me jealous by blatantly talking to other guys overseas. I ignored it, then told her she was with me so I really didn’t care what she did.
Then finally said my life is great with her, but it will be just as good without her and if she ever chose a different life then I would happily take her to the airport, wish her well with her life and carry on.
She stuck to me like glue after that and the other guys simply disappeared.
If you’re constantly texting, calling and dropping in to see her then you’re going to turn her off. A woman likes a man with his own life, his own shit going on and a mission that he’s taking care of.
If you’re reaching out more than 30% of the time then you’re probably doing some serious damage to her feelings for you. She’ll start to think you’ve got nothing going on and your happiness depends on her. That is just too much pressure.
Let the woman reach out when they miss you and they want to hear your voice. If you’re constantly on her case then she’ll get bored, then annoyed, then slightly contemptuous. Once she loses respect for you, stick a fork in that relationship.
Just don’t do it. It will wreck her trust in you as a man and once that faith is gone then you’ll feel a wall go up. Even if it’s something small, in the early stages it can be a complete dealbreaker.
If you’re seeing other girls, tell her that at the start. If you’ve got to let her down, tell her the real reason and don’t give her a bullshit story. If you just want to spend a night with the guys then tell her that, too.
Woman are good at sniffing out lies and when they get that scent then you’re basically done.
If the woman you are seeing would tolerate a bum, she’s probably low-hanging fruit. You should always want a high-quality woman, you should strive to meet the very best woman that you can and that means she’s going to have some pretty high standards herself.
Women like a man with drive. They want to see you have goals and that you’re working towards them. Driven men, with a mission, are sexy to a woman. Conversely, lazy men who waste their time playing video games, smoking weed and working in a dead end job just don’t cut it for most of them.
So, if you have slipped into a rut and there’s not much going on, make something happen. Take a class, hit the gym, do whatever you have to do to get some forward momentum.
You don’t get what you deserve in life, you get what you take. So, even if you’ve been laid off, your dog just died and you’re living on Ramen, don’t sit there bitching about how unfair everything is.
Even at my lowest point, when I was living in a horrendous bedsit and struggling to eke out an existence after plunging all my money and a bit of other peoples’ into a doomed business, I didn’t cry. I told girls it was exciting, it was an opportunity to start from scratch and build everything better and stronger than it was before.
It worked. So, don’t hold a pity party. Put your big boy pants on, accept that your own decisions put you where you are and your own decisions will get you out.
7. Lack of outside interests
A hobby, or interests, or a thirst for knowledge, is sexy. It’s something you can involve her in, teach her about and it also categorically proves that you’re not a no-life loser that spent his entire day jerking off to disturbing porn before she came into your life.
Even working 16-hour days, while it clearly proves you have a mission, might show a lack of imagination and she can easily interpret that as a boring, one-dimensional personality.
Outside interests are healthy. So, if you don’t have some, get some.
Don’t tell her how great you are, show her.
Women prefer a man that slowly reveals himself to be something bigger and better than she could have ever imagined. So, if you spend the whole first date telling her how you wrestled a tiger to save an orphan baby, lifted a car off an injured nun and have basically found the cure for cancer in your spare time, and none of it is true, then you look like a dick.
Even inflating your achievements makes you look stupid. Let your actions speak for you and let her say the words.
Arrogance towards other people can come off as a complete lack of respect as well. She’ll be watching the way you treat waiters, your friends and even your family. If you act like a dick with other people, that’s probably the way you’ll treat her when the new relationship sheen wears off.
This comes in many forms, but if she gets the impression that she’s always going to come second to your massive ego then that’s not going to be much fun. There’s a contradiction in the making here, because you should put yourself first and you certainly shouldn’t be a compliant people pleaser. But you should show that you actually listen and, more importantly, respond to what she’s saying and silently communicating.
10. Bad temper
There’s an obvious difference between standing your ground, which is good, and coming across like a spoiled, broken and potentially dangerous man, which is bad. Basically you should never, ever lose your cool. It’s really that simple.
If you start to shout and swear at the first sign of a disagreement then you’re going to be a nightmare and she’s probably right to kick you to the kerb. Nobody needs to be around that and if you’re verbally abusive from the get-go then there’s a real chance you’re going to be even worse down the road.
If you argue with your woman, then you’ve lost control of the situation and nobody really respects that. Don’t be afraid to say no, you should say no, but do it with a calm and even temper.