I wondered long and hard about this post, because I’m honestly going to advise you to do pretty much the opposite of what I did. The person I am now wouldn’t have tried to take revenge on my narcissistic ex.
The person I am now would have fired her into touch after about a month when she got weird and never given her a second thought.
But I also know that feeling, facing up to the fact that you have been used, pretty much humiliated by the person that looked you straight in the face and told you they cared so much. And just sometimes you need to get a modicum of revenge. You need to punish a narcissist.
Here’s the kicker: it’s really easy. When you stop caring what they think and you stop dancing to their tune, narcissists are really, really thick.
Narcissists can only kick you when you’re down
And here’s the reality check. You only ever get sucked in by a narcissist or a BPD girl when you have low self-esteem. I met mine after the most catastrophic, painful business failure. I was living in a shithole apartment, I was scraping money together to live and it was my lowest ebb.
I looked at her like an angel. She looked at me like easy pickings. I was the injured antelope on the edge of the herd. If you’ve fallen victim to a BPD girl, a narcissist, whatever flavor of nutjob you happened to pick up from the fruitcake bar, then you need to build yourself up.
If you’re strong, your self-esteem and your confidence are up to the job and you know you can do better, narcissists and BPD girls will just bounce off you. They simply won’t get the traction they need to make you hellbent on revenge. It just doesn’t get that far because narcissists are actually pitiful, useless creatures.
Their games are stuck at a grade-school level and anybody that’s even close to their peak will just laugh at them like the emotionally-stunted losers they are. Look up narcissists and you normally get stories of men, borderlines are girls, but honestly the two conditions are so massively intertwined that it generally doesn’t matter.
Shitty behavior is shitty behavior, you don’t need the absolute diagnosis and they more or less function the same way when it comes to wiping your ass with their life. If you’re dating a bitch who tries to manipulate you, pull the ripcord.
It doesn’t matter how hot they are physically, if they’re fucking awful people then you just shouldn’t give a shit about them. When a girl starts playing headgames, even if she isn’t a full-fledged psycho, then there’s no respect and it’s time to go. There’s also a real simple test you can do early on.
Sign up, join me on this fun little journey, learn from my mistakes and you won’t fall for that shit ever again.
It can be fun to play with narcissists
Narcissists at work? I love playing with them, they’re so beautifully simple to wind up. In fact, think of narcissists in all walks of life as schoolyard bullies and you won’t go far wrong. They put on a big show because inside they’re vulnerable, broken little children.
So do any of the following to really screw with their heads:
- Show them they are wrong, publicly.
- When they go on about their great life and their knowledge of luxury/fine wines/5-star hotels/international business, be super interested and push for details. Most of the time it’s the life they wish they led and they really don’t have any deep knowledge.
- Dismiss them, cut them off mid-sentence to talk to someone else.
- Just stop listening, walk off when they’re talking.
- Praise someone else, for something you know they think they’re great at.
There are so many ways to piss off a narcissist that you really don’t have to try that hard.
But let’s say it’s really personal… Let’s say you’ve been taken for a sucker and suffered the full wrath of narcissistic abuse. Sometimes you need to balance the books with the narcissist to help you come back. I get that…
Arrogance is their undoing
A narcissist’s biggest weakness is their arrogance and their frankly idiotic belief that they can spin as many plates as they like in the air. The plate, in this instance, is you.
This belief makes them take insane risks, once they think they’ve really got you. Mine was secretly engaged to a guy that was away for long periods and managed a very complex on-off relationship with me that coincided with his times abroad.
Somewhere along the line it clicked. Something was off from the start, but I denied and minimized it. Then when she was heading off to see him, or he was coming back, there would be a big fight from nowhere. It really didn’t take much digging round to find what was going on.
Yours will always have a few irons in the fire, they just can’t cope with the idea of being alone and there’s always someone on the backburner. If you try, it shouldn’t be hard to figure out who it is.
That said, think long and hard about whether you want to do this. In retrospect, I should have walked away. That’s what I’d tell anybody else to do in my shoes, but I didn’t. I decided to fuck her over and punish the narcissist.
How I took revenge on a narcissist
I just played dumb. This is the way they see you anyway. So I was stupid. My phone wasn’t working right and I couldn’t fix it, could we switch to Facebook messaging? I didn’t really need to do that, I could have just recorded the calls, but it was easier this way and once we’d started then it became the norm.
Then came stage two. I started to frustrate her, basically reversing the roles. I gave her just enough supply to keep her coming back but, for the most part, I gave her nothing. She wanted me to drive her to London, I gave her a very vague yes, then flaked at the last minute. I’d be nice to her one day, then ignored her for two because I was ‘busy’.
It threw her off balance, she knew her grip was slipping and it sent her on a massive charm offensive.
She sent me provocative pictures, she told me when we could spend some time together, I told her everything I was going to do to her and she let me know she loved it. Then she went for another big favor, and it felt like the right time.
I sent her the details of her husband, his Facebook page, the pictures of them together and I told her I was going to expose her. I showed her the screenshots, I showed her what she’d said in the heat of the moment, I showed her every single way she had done it all to herself.
What are a narcissist’s big fears?
A narcissist’s biggest fears are:
- Looking crazy
- Looking stupid
- Being manipulated
- Abandonment from a good source of narcissistic supply.
We had pretty much a full house here. But it wasn’t over yet.
I told her what was going to happen and she had a rage-fuelled meltdown over Facebook and email. She told me she didn’t give a shit what I said to him, she’d give me his phone number and I could talk to him. Even with her back to the wall, she wanted to direct and control. It’s just the way they’re wired.
I told her no, in good time, I’ll do it and I would publicly humiliate him, so he would have to publicly humiliate her.
You know what I did then? The killer blow?
Let narcissists kill themselves
You see if I’d done it, he’d have dumped her, she’d have been angry but she’d have moved on to one of the back-ups she inevitably had in store. One of the predications of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder, is that their relationship will fail. They know it, so swinging a chainsaw through her marriage really wouldn’t have been that big a deal. She’d get over it, fast.
But spending months, knowing that somebody else had the power over her life. Living constantly with the knowledge that she had manipulated herself into a corner. That was torture. Knowing that someone else could have an impact on their life from afar, any moment and expose them as weak, stupid and naïve, that preys upon a narcissist’s mind.
They’re paranoid, deeply suspicious people, because of the horrors that they perpetrate on others. That means you can plant a seed and it will ruin them.
My narcissist destroyed her life to take control
She took control the only way she could. She ran her engagement into the ground, Kamikaze-style, and they broke up within a couple of months. The only way she could re-establish herself as the master of her own destiny was to destroy everything she had.
So that’s how to really take revenge on a narcissist. Take their control away, let them know they’re at your mercy and then let them destroy themselves.
Would I recommend it? No, there’s no massive satisfaction and when you see it unfold then you realize just how messed up the person really is. They’re broken, they were beneath you to start with and they’ll be beneath you for the rest of their lives. They knew that, too, that’s why they tried to drag you down.
She hates me with all the passion in the world now. She was the architect of her own downfall, but she will hold a grudge until the day she dies. That’s one reason I waited until I moved 3000 miles away, but if you’re down the road then don’t think there isn’t a length they’ll go to in order to get even.
So if you even think you’re involved with a narcissist, or a borderline, cut them loose. They’re never worth the energy and the only way to really win is to not get involved.
But if you really do feel like you need a little payback and you want to hurt a narcissist, there’s a blueprint to start you off.
And, if it really helped…