I Just Bought My Passport Back From A Hooker

What did you do today? If it didn’t involve a shady deal to buy your own passport back from a Caribbean hooker, then I’ve got you beat on the drama stakes.

 

It was a rookie mistake, that hopefully will never repeat itself. I have to be honest with myself, I got complacent and I got punished.

 

Sosua Chicas Steal. That is a Fact

 

I know that you need to lock everything down in Sosua. I know that cash, valuables, sunglasses, even toothpaste go missing if you’re not careful. The chicas here don’t even think it’s wrong.

 

Hookers steal and Dominican Republic women steal too.

 

It’s just the nature of the beast.

 

But lately I hadn’t locked everything in the safe, or always put the padlock on the suitcase. Then I needed my passport for ID, didn’t put it away safely and went out and had a few drinks. 

 

I had also broken a solid rule about new chicas sleeping over. It is never a good thing,even though it’s nice to have some company.

 

They either call you their boyfriend and crank up the money they need for 10,000 different family emergencies, or they take the chance to go through your stuff while you sleep.

 

Why Not Just Leave The Hookers Alone?

 

It’s a fair question, but the truth is that we all go to these Third World locations because our money goes further, the women are more receptive and easier to handle and just sometimes you can find a great one.

 

But Dominican Republic women, on the whole, will want compensating for their time.

 

It’s a ‘Help’ system down here. Even the older Dominicans have a couple of girls on the side.

 

They pay the rent and the bills and they get what they want, when they want.

 

It’s the same with the gringos and it’s the same in Thailand, India and pretty much everywhere that is good for a single guy to go on vacation.

 

When the locals don’t have a lot, you’re always going to end up helping them, or giving them cash for groceries, or some money so their child can go to the doctor.

 

Then look at your girlfriend in the US and ask yourself how much she pays for? How much does she cost?

 

So, really, it’s the same deal in the end and not all the Dominican Republic women I talk about as hookers are flat-out street whores. Often it gets much more complex than that.

 

Never Trust Dominican Republic Women Completely

 

Sometimes we might think the girl is a friend, even a girlfriend, and we can trust her.

 

But you really can’t. It doesn’t work that way.

 

I have friends with girlfriends who steal regularly from them. It’s become a part and parcel of the ‘relationship’.

 

I have also heard horror stories about men getting really tangled up with Dominican Republic women and losing hundreds of thousands of dollars.

 

Some gringos have even disappeared or met a very grizzly end.

 

They are practiced extraction machines and you should get involved with one at your peril. I tried, it just doesn’t work.

 

But, back to my stolen passport.

 

It took me about four days to figure out that my passport wasn’t where I left it, and another two to be 100% sure I hadn’t ‘put it somewhere safe’.

 

In that time three chicas came into the apartment, so technically it could have been any one of them.

 

The Message That Led to the Exchange

 

But then I got the message, from the first and most likely culprit. I had seen this girl lots over the months and she should have been the last one to steal. But that doesn’t mean anything out here.

 

She had seen my passport, her friend had it and she wanted to return it to me. She doesn’t want the girl to sell it to ‘bad people’. But she needs money…

 

It was obviously bullshit. She had stolen my passport and was now selling it back to me.

 

I was almost amused at the sheer brass balls of the girl and the story was pretty good. It was worth $20 on its own.

 

Every conversation with a girl in Sosua either begins or ends with money. When the mention comes at the end, things can get much more heated. I knew this one wasn’t going to be cheap and it probably would turn angry.

 

Everything is Negotiable in Sosua

 

She told me wanted 5000 pesos, so $120. I do what you always do in the Dominican Republic, I negotiated.

 

I lied, more to the point.

 

I told her it would cost 4000 pesos to order a new passport, so I would only pay 3000.

 

I didn’t mention the night terrors I’d had about visits to the Embassy, sending all kinds of mission critical documents around the world to finish with the Dominican postal service and the fact it would have cost me at least $200 to get it done.

 

As it is, it cost me $70 to get my passport dropped off by my ‘intermediary friend’.

 

She arrived on a motorbike outside the bar, I gave her 3000 and suddenly I had my passport back in my hands.

 

 

As an interesting aside, she had it in her pants…

 

I’m not going to lie, it was a big relief. I know you can get a new passport, but you really don’t want to do it in the first country you live in as a digital nomad.

 

That’s an epic fail in anyone’s book.

 

Actually paying a hooker to return it was bad enough, but losing it altogether would have  been a bitter pill to swallow.

 

You Never Stop Learning

 

But the day you stop learning is the day you die, so I’ll have to chalk this one up to experience.

 

She won’t get back in my house and the girls that do will find the place on total lockdown. This was a rookie mistake, never to be repeated.

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