When I was at my lowest ebb, financially on my ass and coming back from a failed business, I met a girl who was everything I ever dreamed of. She was perfect, she was my salvation.
There was just one small catch: she was absolutely fucking crazy.
At my best this girl wouldn’t have slipped past the inner bullshit detector. At the time, I have to confess, I was grateful for the attention. When you’re at your most vulnerable, take yourself out the dating scene if you need to.
Do not get sucked in by these crazy sociopaths.
A sociopath girl will ruin your life
Mine seemed almost perfect, until the mood swings started, the silent treatment, the flat out abuse. I tried for two months to get back to the dream stage, but it just wouldn’t happen. So in the end I cut the cord and walked away. Even then there was only so much crap I would take.
She came back out the blue three months later, full of contrition and a changed woman. It took her three weeks to slip into the old habits. This time I studied her, I actually Googled her behaviour, and it came back with one simple conclusion: Borderline Personality Disorder.
If you are dating right now then you need to learn about Cluster B personality disorders. Nobody knows how many people have it exactly, but the one thing that any Pick Up Artist site will tell you is that there are a massive amount of Cluster B women, or flakey chicks as they are known, on the dating scene. They are single for a reason guys.
Flakey chick is actually a polite name for the fucking devil incarnate that will destroy you if you give her even the slightest in.
Cluster B includes:
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Histrionic Personality Disorder
- Anti-Social Personality Disorder
Now they are all so closely connected that there is a lot of overlap in every case. So think about this, Anti-Social Personality Disorder is the polite modern term for a psychopath. Yup, BPD lives just next door to a fully-fledged psycho. Even therapists dump these girls, they’re that screwed up.
Borderlines cheat and leave you in pain
They will cheat on you, emasculate you, use sex as a weapon, rip the ground out from under and will seriously mess with your mind to such an extent that they have left countless exes with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The same shit that war vets come home with. Many of these men are not pussies, they are not betas who couldn’t do better. They include fighters, soldiers, people that didn’t just hit the road when things went sour. Borderline Personality Disorder girls, in particular, have driven sane men to actual suicide.
Don’t think you can do better. That is the slippery slope to a White Knight complex and these girls are pretty much designed to chew you up, spit you out and then blame you for being wet and frayed round the edges.
Flakey chicks are not worth the trouble
You cannot fix a flakey chick, if you try then they will drag you into their cesspit of madness. If you want to try, get fucking therapy yourself. There might be a hope of saving you.
The only thing you can do is to walk away. This girl was fucked up before you arrived, she’ll be fucked up long after you’re gone. Let her be fucked up with someone else.
But how to spot them? It’s difficult, their whole act is based around mirroring you. But there are signs you should look out for:
1. The Professional Victim
If a girl tells you how you her last boyfriend was an asshole who dealt drugs and beat her within the first half an hour. If she tells you a horrific sexual assault story in the first weeks then just run.
She may have been, it could have happened, in which case that’s a shame. But the odds are that she wasn’t. She might have convinced herself she has, but that’s a whole lot of crazy you don’t need to be involved with.
If she was and she’d even got close to balanced, she’d take that story to her grave and she would not be sharing it with a date.
What is actually happening here, most the time, is she’s testing you. Are you the kind to leap in and take care of her? Are you a White Knight?
The tragedy is that the kind of guy she is looking for, kind, accommodating, decent, non-judgmental, is exactly the kind of guy she will tear apart.
If you hear these stories just run, don’t walk, because soon, when she’s telling her victim story to the next unsuspecting dope, you’ll be the most recent abuser.
2. She’s rude to the other people
We’ve all been there. Your girl is lovely to you, but she’s rude to the waiting staff, the taxi driver, more or less everybody else. Kick this bitch to the kerb right now.
She has to be nice to you, she wants something from you. It might be attention, it might be money, she might think she likes you. But if her general demeanour to everybody else is cold bitch then that’s her default setting. You’ll get that soon enough.
You might kid yourself she’s feisty, she’s tough, she’s strong. She’s not, she’s a bitch and you’ll find that out the hard way.
3. She reacts badly to ‘no’
We hear about shit tests for men all the time. Want the shit test for a woman? It’s so easy, but I bet you don’t do it until it’s too late. Say no to her. Say it loud, say it clear and stick to it.
It can be for something small, something minor.
If she expresses minor disappointment, it’s fine. If she stomps off in a huff, ignores you and gives you the silent treatment or explodes in a violent rage, then Houston we have a problem. You would be surprised how often it happens.
If you’re feeling really brave then call her out on a lie, or just suggest she hasn’t been totally truthful. If she laughs, you’ve got a keeper. If she rages, there’s a reason she was single when you met her.
4. She warns you
Seriously, I have heard this so much since I started looking into personality disorders. Virtually all of the women issue some kind of warning. It’s stuff guys with their eyes on the prize might not even hear. But if a girl tells you who they are, pay fucking attention and believe them.
If you hear anything like this, pull the fucking ripcord:
- You don’t want me in your life.
- I’m bad news.
- Most my boyfriends couldn’t handle me.
5. She doesn’t look you in the eyes or zones out when she does
A girl that can’t look you in the eye is either lying to you or she is insecure and you should not trust her. It sounds like no big deal. You’re wrong. It’s massive. She’s hiding something from you, probably her shitty personality.
If she does look you in the eye but she’s looking over your shoulder, or her eyes seem to zone out and she looks lifeless, take note of these things.
Borderline Personality Disorder is an intimacy issue, she wants to get close but she’s so freaked out about it that she literally shuts down mentally at these key points, you need to eject this girl before she leaves scars on your soul. She will.
6. She shit tests too much
Every girl shit tests, it’s hard-wired to run some half-assed script on you to see if she can throw you off your game. As men we expect it and we laugh it off, to an extent. If it’s constant, though, she isn’t shit testing. She’s looking for a weakness, she’ll keep going until she finds a chink in the armour and then she’ll go to town on it.
7. She has selective hearing
You know you’ve agreed to something, to meet at a time and place, or to do something next week. She forgets the conversation, or remembers it a totally different way. It’s another shit test in a way, but she’s seeing how much she can get away with. She’s trying to change your plans. Let her and you have the start of a slide, or at the very least you have a manipulative girl who’s just going to be a bitch to be around.
8. She wants the world and she wants you to pay
It’s nice to have dreams. If a girl tells you all the things she expects you to pay before you’ve finished your first drink, though, then you should probably leave before the second. You have an entitled Princess on your hands and these nightmarish, emotionally unstable money-pits will never be worth a damn.
They are shallow, materialistic nightmares, even though she’ll almost certainly go out of her way to tell you she doesn’t care about money.
9. You hear all about the awesome ex-boyfriends
This ex told me about the footballer she dated repeatedly in the first half an hour. I should have dumped her on the spot. She was trying to elevate her own status, which would have been fine. She was also subtly triangulating me with someone that wasn’t even there. Triangulation is an absolute dead giveaway of a Cluster B disorder.
It means bringing someone else in to create jealousy, friction, unease or just to get some distance from you. It’s why they have affairs later on, they need a third party involved because you are too close for comfort.
10. She doesn’t apologize
This one will take a few dates to figure out. If this girl lets you down, though, and literally will not apologise, then you need to walk away. There are only three options.
- She’s a narcissist and thinks you’re beneath her.
- She has Borderline tendencies and apologising would literally rip her ego to shreds.
- She doesn’t give a shit about you and has no respect for your time. So give her plenty of time to think about things. Walk away from her.
11. She’s too into you
It’s awesome when a girl thinks you’re great. But tread carefully, if she’s too into you then this could be the famous lovebomb. If she thinks you’re great, she loves everything about you and thinks your farts smell like strawberries, then beware. If a women lifts you up like that, she’ll drop you down twice as hard.
If she’s blowing up your phone all day, won’t leave you alone and is just too in your personal space, she’s trying to force a bond. Even though it feels great, it might feel just a little ‘off’. Pay attention to that.
The three stages of the typical relationship with a Cluster B are idealisation, devaluation and then discard. Idealisation feels like Heaven, devaluation feels like Hell and if you’re smart the discard will feel like sweet relief, even though she’ll do it in the cruelest way she can imagine.
And a bonus…
12. Passive Aggression
Yes, calling this a bonus is a bit much. All these things are horrible, so I’m giving you another serving of shit if we’re honest with ourselves.
But here we are, and passive aggression is a real red flag to watch out for.
I did a separate piece on this that is worth reading, but passive aggression is actually one of the clearest signs you’re dealing with an emotional child.
What is passive aggression? Basically, it’s the silent treatment. It’s communicating without communicating. It’s the moody sighs, the theatrically leaving the room, refusing to engage with you and looking the other way.
My little psycho even stopped speaking to me in the middle of a night out, for no real reason, then refused to take my calls for a week. When she came back, she didn’t want to talk about it, everything was fine. if I pressed the issue then I had been rude to her sister, or some other complete non-event, so it was my fault.
It’s an immature way to communicate. It’s fucking childish and if somebody behaves like a child, they basically are one.
They will have childish needs, they will never be there for you in any way, shape or form if you actually need them and they’ll go off on a whim an bang your best friend as a punishment for some unspoken crime. It will be your fault, it always is..