This is one of those topics that makes me piss blood, so forgive the semi-rant nature of this post. But it’s one of the biggest questions on the dating scene: “Why can’t a nice guy get a girl?”
Here’s the crux of the whole thing, before we go off on a tangent. It’s not your niceness that gets you dumped in the friendzone, or simply cockblocked. It’s your submission, weakness and insecurity.
Girls do like nice guys. But only nice guys who are secure in themselves, nice guys with drive, ambition, self-control and a strong sense of self. If being a ‘nice guy’ is all you have to offer, then you really don’t have very much and you have some big stuff to work on.
If this were a girl’s site then it would be the start of a diatribe on why being nice doesn’t guarantee you anything. If a girl wants to be your friend you should be grateful and that favorite quote of all: “You can’t put nice guy coins into the slot and sex comes out.”
We’re not going down that road. But you need to know that if you’re constantly watching the girl you want screw another guy, then you are the problem.
Time for the home truth and bitter pill
This might sound harsh, but we believe in no-bullshit advice here. If you don’t take personal responsibility when shit goes wrong then you can never fix it. If you do own your own screw-ups, then you have the power to change them.
So this is why it makes me mad when I see the same old stuff:
- Why do girls like jerks?
- Why can’t a nice guy get the girl?
- Why do I always get friend-zoned when I’m a good man?
- How do I stop getting girls to see me as a nice guy?
Don’t wait for a girl to make the move
90% of the time it’s that you’re simply not being assertive. This manifests itself in so many ways, with the most common one being that you don’t actually make a move and you wait for the girl to do it for you.
We have all been there at some point, where we just didn’t do anything. I can tell you about the time I went to see a girl in a different town, who was openly flirting with me, and I didn’t go for the kiss when it was right there in front of me.
That was back in a different time, but it was simply the fear of failure that held me back.
She friendzoned me. Guess what? I deserved it.
Don’t put a girl on a pedestal
Then there are the other times where you’re flirting, you think you’re doing everything right, but you’re just too into the girl and, subconsciously, you’ve put her on a pedestal.
When you do that, you’ve already lost. You’ll turn into a people pleaser, you’ll bend over backwards and you’ll look like a bit of an ass. You’ll deliberately look weak and you’ll become the archetypal ‘nice guy’. That’s an insult by the way.
You see the term has come to mean something worse; something much darker. Today, nice guy is pretty much one step beneath serial rapist and child murderer in the female lexicon. It’s come to mean a guy who is pretending to be nice to get into her pants and it’s a weak, insecure and Machiavellian approach.
It’s the opposite of everything you should be as a man.
Heroine worship is creepy
She doesn’t want to be a Princess, she doesn’t want you to worship her like a Roman goddess. To be honest, it’s creepy. And when you constantly defer to her, do things for her and generally present yourself as a subservient little bitch, she’ll start to believe that’s all you can be.
If you don’t respect yourself, she won’t either.
She’ll turn you into her butler and if you let her then you’ll slowly evolve into a total doormat who prays that one day she’ll look at you and realize that you were the one for her after all. Like in Hollywood.
It. Will. Never. Happen.
Women want a protector and provider
We like to think we’ve evolved into hugely sophisticated beings. And, in some ways, we have. But a woman is still programmed to find a provider and a protector. So if she can push you around, how the hell could you protect her if a rival tribe came to pillage your village?
If you find yourself in that position with a girl, then you’ve screwed it up. Accept it, walk away and learn your lessons.
There is no saving it, there is no coming back from the brink. You’re so deep in the friendzone by that point that you’re never getting out.
You’re asexual, like a brother, or a puppy.
The only chance you have is to walk away, not see her for an extended period of time and work on the gaping flaws that you proudly showed her.
So why do girls like jerks?
Believe it or not, emotionally-centered and decent girls don’t like jerks, but there is an initial attraction. They like the fact that the guy knows his own mind. They like the fact that he does his own thing, that he has his own life and he won’t drop everything and run after her. A jerk is a challenge.
A jerk also values himself. He has self-respect, even if it’s a messed up and fractured version of it. On the surface, it looks like the real deal and if a girl thinks you respect yourself then you just got more valuable in her eyes. So that fragile veneer of self-confidence and strength is enough to get the jerk what you want…
Real, bone fide jerks never get too far, though. They’ll always get dumped in the end. So don’t try and be that guy. But there are things you can learn from them that will hone your character and just make you more attractive.
1. Be more assertive.
Put yourself first. This is a tougher process than you think and if you’re not used to doing it then you’re basically trying to heal a childhood wound and I have a process for you here.
2. Build up your body
If you’re stronger in your body, then you’ll have a real sense of pride. You’ll feel stronger and less beta, it’s a natural consequence of hitting the gym.
3. Stop being a lapdog
It will get you blown out 90% of the time, so you’ll put in effort for no reward while the woman you want privately laughs at you. You know you’re doing it and there’s some deep wiring that says if you allow this to happen, you’ll get the girl.
You’re wrong, you won’t and you need to understand that. Once you do, you’ll stop backing down, you’ll stop getting steamrollered and you’ll get more sex.
4. Learn to fight
It’s weird, but it works. Master the art of confrontation and you will change your stance, your posture and your behavior. Even with women. It brings out inner confidence that you cannot fake and it helps you stay calm when you’re under pressure.
I trained in Tae Kwan-Do, Kickboxing and MMA in my life. It changed everything and I firmly believe every man should do it.
5. Realize that she is not special
You might like a girl, but she is not the one until she proves that, which will take months or years. She is simply another girl, an opportunity, but if she says no then you have lost nothing. There are 3 billion more in this world and if this one says no then she will be a footnote in your life that you won’t even remember in a year’s time.
Let it turn into a case of oneitis, though, and she will leave an indelible scar on your soul.
6. Be direct
Don’t stand there by her side, like a pussy, and wait for her to make a move. Learn to embrace rejection and realize it does not matter. Learn that the most successful pick up artists just kept going through 100 rejections and scored in the end.
Nobody has a 100% success rate, but you just have to grab your balls, let her know right away that you’re interested and let it flow from there. Hesitancy becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure, so you just have to go for it and let the chips fall where they may.
Do all this and you can still be a nice man, but you’ll be a nice real man. You’ll have strength, confidence and purpose. You’ll be the kind of nice guy that she wants to be with, rather than the ‘nice guy’ you are right now.